Bill O'Reilly is obnoxious asshole crazy, Falwell et al are religuos fanatic crazy, but Peggy Noonan has her own style of crazy.

...let me say that if Steven Spielberg went to the Mideast tomorrow, announced he was making a movie, and sent out a casting call for males age 12 to 30 he would immediately establish a new Mideast peace, at least for the length of the shoot. Because the only thing the young men there would rather do than kill each other is be a movie star. Hmmmm, a suicide bombing that raises my family's status in the neighborhood or a possible date with Cameron Diaz, let's see... Mr. Spielberg would also get a Nobel Peace Prize. I am actually not kidding.

Sniff.... That'll do pig.... That'll do....

New Years now brings us the best time for people with useless blogs. Useless Top Ten Lists!

Lets start with our one true god. Television.

The Ed's Daily Rant 2004 Television in review

Best new show
And the nominees are...

House.
It's like a medical Sherlock Holmes (And we know how much geek Ed likes his Sherlock Holmes). Well written and well acted. Although they overdo the "I'm an eccentric grouchy Doctor!" bit.

Kevin Hill
All this time and I never knew my brother had a sassy gay no nonsense nanny.

Lost
Innovative premise done with flair. The way they have a big mystery that they keep slowly revealing week by week is a great hook. Some of the characters are a bit cliched (i half expect to see an italian gangster strumming a violin case) but it makes up for it with innovative plot devices (the extended flashback) and great pacing.

And the winner is:

House.
Beats out Lost by a hair.



Best new Reality show.
cuz EdHill is all about the reality shows.

And the nominees are...

Amish in the City
Real World with half of em Amish kids. It worked simply because the Amish are the last people on earth left who don't know to fake it when a contestant on a reality show. Watching the girl be overwhelmed at her first site of the ocean was touching. I did come to realize that Amish people are just as annoying and stupid as everyone else. Except Mose!


Mad Mad House
The outright winner for funniest reality show of the year no question. Make people live with, compete for, and get voted the winner by, the "alts" which consisted of a "vampire", a "witch" a "voodoo priestess" a "savage" and a "naturalist". The enjoyment of the show was watching these so called "Alts" actually pretend that the new agey nonsense they were spewing was interesting. The "witch" was some platinum blonde fake boobed over the hill d list rock singer who was also a Wiccan. Every week we had to hear her going on and on about negative energy in the house and spiritual awakenings, and this and that... Pure comic gold. ANd who could forget the week when she felt the spirits calling her evil side out and she wore black for an episode and was bitchy to everyone. You gotta understand that when you realize they are taking themselves seriously, the comedic factor is off the charts.

But the star of the show was the one and only "Vampire Don". Oh man I love that guy. He's a computer programmer from Sausalito, but dont tell him that, hes a Vampire! The cameras would constantly catch Don acting like computer programmer Don, and then he'd notice the camera was on him, and he'd go into "Vampire mode". That killed me. Every line out of his mouth was instantly quotable.

"When did you realze you wanted to be a vampire?"
"Wanted? It just....is......."

Oh man I miss Vampire Don so much I became a member of his official website.

Project Runway
It takes many of the used reality show situations, but it perfects them all. The people there are interesting and not media whores, They are actually there to win, and not be the next "Omarosa", they all have talent (except maybe Starr, Sheesh), and the judges comments are smart, on target, and not grandstanding for camera time. And host Heidi Klums accent is fascinating. Hoang Wood described it best as 70% perfect english, 20 % with a German accent and 10% a Grab bag of god knows what.

Winner:

Mad Mad House
As much as I like Project Runway, Mad Mad House was just the funniest goddamn reality show all year. Me and my friend Fancy Nancy would spend all week talking about how we couldn't wait for the next episode. And Kelly, the fat right wing college student, was such a freak show, I couldnt get enough of her.


Worst Show of the Year
Not an accurate description because the worst shows of the year, garbage like dr. Vegas and Father of the Pride, I never bothered with. Rather these are shows that I thought would be good, but turned out to be shit.

And the nominees are....

The Rebel Billionare
Sounds good. Apprentice meets Amazing Race. But Branson is hands down the most boring Billionare ever and brings any scene hes in to a screeching halt. The man makes extreme sports boring for gods sake. And the idea that he's going to give away his job to soemone who could be the ebst bungee jumper is retarded.

Jack and Bobby
It got good reviews and has a polltical undercurrent, but One episode and I was bored to tears. It's like Everwood, only dumber.

Joey
Yeah yeah, We all knew it was gonna suck, but who knew it would suck so utterly and completly. Well, it does. And someone needs to tell Drea De Matteo that she is in fact, very very ugly. Apparently she didnt get the memo.

The Swan
Depressing in every way iamginable, and I usually revel in other peoples misery.

And the winner is....

Joey
It sucks. And not even in that trainwreck watchable kind of way.


Best show I should be watching.
According to what I read and opinions of people I trust, here are shows I apparently should be watching but don't.

Desperate Housewives

The Wire

Arrested Development

Reno 911


And the winner is....

How would I know? I dont watch em.


Best all around show

Tough category, and my answer tomorrow would be different as it constantly changes. But what was the show, either old or new, that was the absolute must see best show of the year?

The nominees are....

Scrubs
Take out John C. McGinley's character completly and its the most laugh out loud show on TV.

The Daily Show
Consistently funny and especially cathartic since November 2nd.

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Ballsy, R rated Sienfeld. Really funny. What other sitcom can have a joke be the star choking on a pubic hair while being beaten up by a Nativity scene Joesph?

Alias
Fascinating plot twists (Imagine the war ending halfway through Hogans Heroes run, thats what happened in Season 3), good action, good villains, and Jennifer Garner constantly being gussied up in one undercover slut outfit after another.

West Wing
The President we should have.

Smallville
Moved more toward creating a new mythlogy this year and away from the "villain of the week" formula that got stale last year. And introducing a spunky large breasted Lois Lane was a good antidote to the cold fish that is Lana Lang.

Enterprise
Not as good as Next Generation, but way better than Voyager and DS9. Had a downbeat interminably long 9/11 like plotline last year that almost buried it, but this year has gotten much better. Sadly this may be its last year. They gotta change that theme song though.


Winner:
LIke I said, it'll change tommorow, but...


The Daily Show
Almost never strikes a wrong note. 4 hours a week of the funniest humor around, and a guest list that is interesting and eclectic. And Jon Stewarts interview style is both engaging, challenging, and funny all at the same time. It risked overexposure this year with the book tour, but its still funny shit.


Honorable Mention:
Deadwood, Soprano's (see you in 2008!), The Office, History Detectives, Foyles War, Simpsons, Chappelle's Show, South Park, MI-5, and many more.

Best anal scene:
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang

Could this be the greatest comic adaption in film history?

It's one of the best stories from one of the best writers in comics, who also co-directed the film with Robert Rodriguez, got a top notch cast, and has literally made the film a miror image of the comic.

My spider sense is officially tingling.

Steve Perry fan fiction.

Enjoy, said Steve.

I can't seem to find the right joke for this.

As an addendum to the video game post. If any of you are interested you can now play all the old games online through emulators.

Atari's (2600, 5200 and 7800) games are here.

Intellivision is here.

Colecovision is here.

Commodore 64 is here.

There is a whole swath of people out there who collect and play the old systems. Websites on collecting repairing them and so on. At first i thought it was dumb. But the idea of having an old Colecovision in my living room is kinda retro cool. And after playing a bunch of the old games yesterday, I was stunned at how well they've held up. Radiers of the Lost Ark for Atari 2600 is still a goddamned ball buster. And with the combiantion of severely limited technology forced onto a film storyline, it reslults in an oddly surreal minimalistic video game.

The video games I grew up with. Part 1;
The Silver Age

Now that I think about it, I was one spoiled kid. I had every video game machine from the Atari 2600 all the way up to Super Nintendo.

It all started with the good ole Atari 2600. Even the case was old school. Somehow I don’t think Playstation 3 is going to have fake wooden paneling. This system was the best because the games were just fun. Even the first "generation" games that came out that had the worst graphics, wrere still fun to play. The Indy 500, the Video Olympics, which was basically a bunch of pong games, and street racer. Those wre the original "core" games. But as the technology progressed, the games got much cooler. Pitfall was a great game and had awesome graphics. I practically wore my hand out trying to avoid those damn scorpions. I usually went left at the beginning because I had about 13 screens in a row memorized. The three jump alligator pond was particularly tough.


There were some amazing duds I came across to. For every Raiders gem, there was an E.T. dud. I still dont remember what the point was to that one.

The first competitor to the good old Atari 2600 was the Intellivision. It sucked. I never had one but my friends did. THe only thing about that that I thought was cool was the way you could insert different overlays over the game pads onto your controller. Yes the graphics were better, just ask George Plimpton, but it was quickly overtaken by Colecovision,


Colecovision was Atari's true succesor simply because it came with a copy of Donkey Kong. And at the time Donkey Kong was the shit. It had better sound, what seemed like at least 16 different colors. That and you could get an adapter to play old Atari games and it was a done deal. Not to mention Coleco’s headquarters was the next town over from mine. That was cool.

Coleco was the first time where you could buy games that you were playing at the arcades. Centipede, Defender, etc.. The graphics weren't as good, but that didnt matter much since I could play Centipede whenever I wanted.

So Colecovision stayed for a while.

After Colecovision I had a Commodore 64. This was my first computer really, since it wasn’t a game console at all. Many games I had weren’t bought but typed in line by line from the Compute! Book of Commodore 64 games, or copying them straight from Compute! magazine articles.


Tedious stuff.

But I had friends who owned some games and you could copy them on you floppys. So I played stuff like Ghostbusters, etc.

And then in 1985, the Silver age of video gaming came to a close and the Golden age was upon is with the release if the Nintendo....

Merry Christmas to me.

Time to buy a new jersey. Because the more merchandise I wear, the bigger the fan I am. It's simple logic.

My favorite Christmas presents growing up (that I remember so far)

Big Trax
You could program it to go wherever you wanted it to!

Six Million Dollar Man (with the bionic eye)
The bionic eye, and the pull away arm skin revealing the bionics within. Loved it.

Death Star Playset
The one Star Wars playset that got it right. Every aspect, from the control room to the trash compactor, was fun.

Star Trek Enterprise Bridge Playset
I remember this one vivdly. The transporter was cool.


Space:1999 Eagle Transporter
I brought this mammoth thing to preschool show and tell and was the most popular kid in school. I mean, who wasn't fasincated by the gigantic intergalatcic adventures that awaited us in the distant future that was 1999?

Most disappointing christmas gifts

Lazer Tag
It should have been great. The gun looked awesome, and the StarSensor that started beating faster the more hits you got was cool, but the damn thing just never worked. You'd have to stand 2 feet away for it to register a hit.

The Millenium Falcon
The hidden compartment created a huge bulge in the back of the ship that was totally not what the falcon looked like. I hated that.

Favorite video games growing up is a post in and of itself....

You may have won this bidding war Michael John Taylor, but I will win the war.

It's a Festivus miracle!

And remember, for those hard to get out cum stains, use Club soda! Merry Christmas!

This is pretty funny. But nothing can touch what my brother Dave got when he wrote Mike Greenwell for an autograph. He sent back a polaroid of some nasty chick with legs spread playing with her self with the Inscription “Dave, Here’s you’re autograph" on the back. I shit you not. He was the hero of the 6th grade.
He never showed my parents and I kept telling him that since it was autographed he could sue his way into being the next owner of the Red Sox, but he was too big a fan.

Sadly, I have no idea what happened to it.

Made me chuckle.

For all you conspiracy theorists who keep thinking FOX news is somehow biased, thery just hired a Democrat as one of there top contributors.

So stop your bitching.

"LIMBAUGH: Miss Plastic Surgery. (chuckle) And – I’d – I’d – I – I don’t – I don’t know what the winner – I – and, oh, I didn’t print out both pages, so I don’t know what the – I don’t know what the winner gets. Probably a certificate to go to San Francisco to have an add-a-dick-to-me operation. "


This is unacceptable. If I had kids they could have heard that. The FCC should fine Rush and his parent companies millions in fines for allowing such filth.

Please go here and follow the instructions to complain.

Thank you, And a baba booey to ya all.

Imagine this scenario.

Opening day in Fewway Park. April 11th 2005. The Red Sox raise their Championship banner, hand out the championship rings. All the while the Yankees watch it all from the opposing dugout. And then Bush comes out to throw out the first pitch and we boo him to so long and so loudly, it becomes a major media event.

Now I gotta get tickets.

Bill O'Lielly on the Anti Defamation Legue yesterday
"These are the people who accused anybody of liking 'The Passion of the Christ' as anti-Semitic,"

Bill O'Lielly on February 23rd.
Even Abraham Foxman, the militant leader of the Anti-Defamation League, now admits the film is not anti-Semitic.

February 26th.
Abraham Foxman, the head of the ADL says the movie isn't anti-Semitic. And when he says it, you got -- I think you got to believe it

March 8th
New York Times writer Frank Rich continued his savage attacks on The Passion of the Christ movie yesterday, even though most of you have seen the film, including the head of the Jewish Anti-Defamation League believe it is not hateful towards Jews.

Thank you Bill for continuing to make yourself such an easy target, you crybaby little bitch.

The legendary deleted footage of hot puppet sex from Team America: World Police.

Obviously this is not a work safe link. Unless of course your job is webmaster for www.itakeitinthepooper.com.

More proof that blogging has jumped the shark.

My brother has one, and so does Ron’s.

Both will be worthwhile since Steve is like Ron, only with about 40% less rage, and 100% more reality TV, and my brother works for Senator Dodd and will soon be a lobbyist. So It’ll be like reading Washingtionenne, only with less ass fucking (or so he thinks).

I really am a boardgame geek. I’ve played Risk so many times I know all the strategies. The one That’s usually most effective is to take over Australia, heavily defend it, and make it the base from which you spread outwards. Asia is a big prize, but hard to defend. GO for South American, then advance northward.

Here endeth the lesson.

This can be somewhat addicting.

But it won't keep me from my new hobby.

This changes my view of hamburgers.

Its soda. People who say "pop" are just retarded.

A survey we all need to take.

Can you tell I found a website that has great links?

This arouses me sexually.

And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Yet more reasons Lindsay Lohan is my new celebrity girlfriend.

This picture, this story, and this credit card.

Somehow "I told ya so" doesnt really make me feel better.

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- The White House said on Monday for the first time that President Bush's plan to add personal retirement accounts to Social Security would be financed in part by new government borrowing that could top $1 trillion.
"Bush's economic advisers have been analyzing financing options for more than a year. But the White House, until now, had declined to say that borrowing would be used to cover the transition costs. Experts say Bush has few other options because of record federal budget deficits. The president has ruled out tax increases."

Good luck red state america. Its all your fault from now on.

To anyone who reads this, I need a favor. Money is short for the holidays. I'm trying to sell off some stuff but so far I have no bids.

Yale students rule

To all you lonely hearts out there who think meeting that certain someone "online" isn't for you, let me just tell you I used to feel that way too. But then I met mamasaki over at the 40ozmaltliquor.com message board, and we've been together ever since.

I just can't wait until our first meeting. because as the site clearly attests, she can pound 2 40s at once like a real muthafucka!

Yeah I'm sure they think they're cool, but do they have Urkel-o's?

"Public acceptance of Charles Darwin's theory of evolution is well below the 50% mark, a fact of considerable concern to many scientists," Frank Newport, editor-in-chief of The Gallup Poll, observed today. He noted that given three alternatives, only 35% say that evolution is well-supported by evidence. The same number say evolution is one of many theories and not well supported by evidence. Another 29% say they don't know enough about it to say.

Explains November second. We are a country of retarded people.

I bet those same 35% beleive they need to drill holes in their heads to get rid of evil spirits.

New York Yankees slugger Jason Giambi injected himself with human growth hormone in 2003 and also used steroids for at least three seasons, according to his grand jury testimony reviewed by the San Francisco Chronicle.

IT just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter.