Friday, October 25, 2002
Ed’s TV roundup. Friday’s.
This is a tough one. Being a single, young, smart, funny, and stunningly attractive h8terosexual male, I am rarely around on Fridays to watch TV. I have on occasion caught a few shows So I’ll do what I can.
Hack
Never seen it But I want to for 2 reasons. 1 is that I have a feeling it is the worst show of the new season (think A-team in a cab, without BA Barakus), and 2. Andre Braughers ass has tripled in size since H0micide.
Robbery Homicide Division
I caught one of these episodes on USA networks (prime time doesn’t really exist anymore) and it was ok. A “gritty” police drama. Nothing extraordinary. It does film in High Def video which is kinda cool.
48 Hours Investigates
What’s the Frequency, Kenneth? The further evidence of news being turned into feel good ratings p8ff pieces. Turn on the BBC news instead and actually experience, you know, the REST of the world for a change (here’s a hint: They don’t like us)
Providence
My mom likes it, Its got Trapper John who is cool (read about his anti Scientolgy exploits), the chick is h0t, but….
They massacre my favorite Beatles song (Shawn Colvin? Please), the storylines are insipid family drama crap, and Syd’s new fiancée is the d0rk groom from father of the Bride, who I just want to smack.
Dateline NBC
See 48 hours above. No difference, except for the robotic Stone Phillips who couldn’t report his way out of a paper bag.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
The law and Order Universe will control us all one day. This is the one from the freaky rap1st from OZ, teamed with the daughter of the currently decapitated Jayne Mansfield. Take law and Order, replace m2rders with sex crimes, add in all sorts of moral angst and “I promise you I’ll find out who did this” and “how could anyone do such a thing” lines for the detectives, and that’s the show. There, I’ve just saved you an hour. No thanks needed.
20/20
See a trend here? Fridays suck. No ones home. That’s where crap shows that cost nothing to produce (“news” shows) get dumped.
America's Funniest Home Videos
Above rule applies regarding cost. Imagine the worst scripted “jokes” from the Academy awards (“So, what exactly does a gaffer do Salma?”) and that describes every second between the videos. Other than that, there’s no way I can criticize videos of people getting hit in the cr0tch with various objects. That’s comic gold.
That Was Then
No idea. Some time travel feel good stuff. I heard its already canceled.
Firefly
This is embarrassing. Joss Whedon, the uber genius behind Buffy, is the creator of this show, its sci-fi, and I have yet to see it. I am not proud. I am just not home, and I forget to tape. I am trying to download all the episodes on so far (hint: if it’s a sci-fi show, a geek has put it up on the net) and catch up, but until then I don’t know. It looks coo, and I’d watch anything Joss Whedon would do.
John Doe
It sounded kinda cool in the promo’s, but when I actually saw an episode, it was just a warmed over McGyver without the heartbreakingly brilliant Richard Dean Anderson.
The entire WB lineup:
I’m not going to even pretend I know whats on. Sabrina is hot though. I’d love to see her pull a Jessica Biel
And slut out somewhere in order to show you’re “range”.
In the meantime, enjoy this picture of her dressed as Princess Leia slave girl from Return of the Jedi:
Thursday, October 24, 2002
Remember my rhetorical question yesterday about whether there was anything Bush wouldn't manipulate for political gain? Now he's using the government and MY tax dollars to promote Republican candidates, and throwing pork at Republican idistricts (all the while saying we need hte tax cut permamnent)
From the Washington Post:
President Bush has harnessed the broad resources of the federal government to promote Republicans in next month's elections. From housing grants in South Dakota and research contracts in Florida to Air Force One rides and photos in the White House driveway, Bush has made Republican success on Nov. 5 a government-wide project.
More than 330 administration appointees, some of whom were told by White House officials that they needed to show their Republican credentials, have taken vacation time and are being flown by the party to House and Senate campaigns in states where control of Congress will be decided. The appointees will organize volunteers, work the phones and go door to door.
Ed’s TV Roundup Thursday’s
Survivor.
What can you say? The first and still the best reality show out there. Throw together 16 people, starve them and make them lie and doublecross each other. Add in a few hotties with big fake can’s, and you have yourself a show. So many great survivor memories, Elisabeth with an S when she was trembling uncontrollable and her hair was falling out due to malnutrition, when he passed out and fel headfirst into a fire, burning himself all over. And this year has been great as well. Robb (2 B’s dude) and his Tommy Lee impersonation, Erin and her fantastic body, Penny with her perfect teeth, Ghandia with her psychopathic breaks from reality, the sleazy former Skinemax “actor”, and Jan’s wide eyed crazy look. Its all good. Watching them fight and starve an struggle, is just good TV.
By now Survivor has gotten a formula. Soon we will have the “gross eating” challenge, then a merge, etc, etc.. And I have the added pleasure of being in a survivor pool with over 100 bucks to the winner.
Friends
Yeah, yeah, its cool to hate this show, but darn it, I still think its funny. Its definitely running out of steam, and the wild and wacky twentysomethings are ramming into walls at high speed (Phoebe looks like someones old aunt). Ad they have definite acts of desperation in their storylines now with the whole Rachel Joey thing, ANOTHER new baby, blah blah blah. They feel the need to have every episode be “a very special episode”. But its still funny. The whole masturbating to sharks joke last week was funny. My brain says no, but my heart says yes….
Scrubs
I have avoided this show for a few reasons; 1. I never knew when it was on, and 2. It was a medical show, which I hate. However now that they are behind friends I did catch a few episodes of it and its really funny, in an absurdist way. And the chick on it is hot (not the latina one, she’s a beeyatch).
Monk
I am a sucker for a good mystery show. Not a “cop” show mind you, bu a mystery show. There is nothing like watching BBC America when they have a marathon of Morse, Dagliesh, Poirot, etc.., and PBS’s Mystery is great too. This is in that vein as well. Eccentric, OCD ridden detective with keen sense of perception solves crimes every week. Its nowhere near as good as their British counterparts, but its still good, and Tony Shalhoub, if he keeps this up, will be able to atone for the horror that was “Wings” in about 14 years. Its not “tape worthy” and it has the dstinction of being a USA network show that ABC decided to add to its prime time lineup, so you can see it on either network.
Will & Grace
Eh. Someone has got to tell Eric McCormack that the man is not funny. At all. Debra messing is cute ina flat chested sort of way, but otherwise the shows just not for me.
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
See my take on Miami’s show. Its also starting to have the characters personal lives creep into the show, which is unfortunate. When the dead people are more interesting than the live people on a show, play to your strengths.
Push, Nevada
Even the promise of a million dollar prize to viewers who can figure out the mystery was not enough to save this crud. Its already canceled. Which continues my theory that ever since Ben affleck (who produced the show) let Disney cap his teeth for Armashitton, his careers been in the toilet.
ER
Other than one person, I know of noone who watches this show anymore. Its on its dying breaths. I barely even watched it when it was popular.
Without a Trace
Without an Audience
The entire WB lineup:
Haven’t a clue.
WWE SmackDown!
Ever since Superfly Snooka left my life, wrestling is a cruel mistress not worth visiting.
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
Is there anything, anything out there that "change the tone" Bush won't manipulate for cheap political gain?
The Washington Post reports that a group of 12 House Democrats on Monday sent a letter to Health and Human Services secretary Tommy Thompson questioning why scientific information has been removed from HHS Web sites--including information about the effectiveness of condom use in preventing HIV transmission that has been taken off the sites of the National Institutes of Health and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The lawmakers, led by Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.), also questioned why a study by the National Cancer Institute showing that abortion does not increase a woman's risk of developing breast cancer was taken off the NIH site.
Ed's TV Roundup Wednesday’s
Wednesdays are tough. There are at least 5 good shows on in the 9 o’clock hour. I tape one, watch another, and click to a third at commercial breaks. It’s a heady time for a TV enthusiast such as myself.
Enterprise
Well I am a fan of the Star trek shows, I might even go as far as referring to myself as a Trekker (But a Trekkie? NEVER!). This new incarnation brings the show back to its roots, literally. It’s a prequel that follows the very first Enterprise at the dawn of space travel. The show takes place before the original series even. (but no mention is made on how the fashions and technology of the times eventually devolved into a psychedelic 60’s motif with one color felt outfits)
It’s pretty good if you’re into Sci-fi but it does have its shortcomings. Following the success of all the T&a syndicated shows of late, this show feels the need to inject sex and sex appeal into every show. But being a star trek show it makes it difficult. So they come up with any excuse. For instance, now when someone goes to a foreign planet they must decontaminate by rubbing each other down with some kind of space oil, while in their underwear. Makes absolutely no sense but hey we get to see the hot Vulcan in her underwear. And there is the other problem. They follow Deep Space 9’s lead and add a hot chick. But then inexplicably make that hot chick a Vulcan, whose entire existence is made up of no emotions. So no she never gets laid, and no, she never flirts, or anything. However apparently the Vulcans, despite being able to control their emotions, have no problems with Vulcan breast implants. So the Producers are forced to come up with increasingly interesting ways of having a non emotional Vulcan show off her ta ta’s.
Otherwise the show is pretty good, with Scot Bakula being a good choice as captain, and some interesting shows.
60 Minutes II
Charles Grodin? I think not.
Birds of Prey
A perfect example of how to screw up a sure thing. This is based on the comic book of the same name by DC Comics. It’s a superhero story where the protaganists are Huntress, the daughter of Batman and Catwoman, and Oracle, former Batgirl and daughter of Commisioner Gordon, who was paralyzed by the Joker.
Why? WB owns the rights to Batman, so they devised a show that is a superhero show, takes place in Gotham City, has great special effects, and they got RID OF BATMAN.
In the show it seems that after catwoman was murdered and Batgirl paralyzed, Batman disappeared. Just left. The show takes place 7 years later. Despite the fact that Batman would never do such a thing, you are left to watch the show with one thought on your mind.
Where’s Batman? Is he dead? Why did he leave? Is he EVER going to show up? And why in Christ’s name would they devise a show like this and NOT HAVE BATMAN IN IT?? It would have been a slam-dunk. A dark, weekly Batman show.
Boy did they screw this up.
Dawson's Creek
Jumped the shark.
The West Wing
One of my favorites naturally. It does tend to get preachy and condescending when it starts to deal in “issues” and I miss Emily Proctors character, not because I liked her character, but because she is smoking. Her character was very one dimensional. They cast would be engaged in a debate about an issue and then they would pull her character out of a closet, have her say “the Conservative position on this is X” and then she would leave. Also, Martin Sheens denture overbite is distracting.
Other than that, its pretty good.
P.S. Make sure you watch because soon Rob Lowe will disappear from the show, and his career will follow shortly after.
The Bachelor
Good stuff. A bunch of nasty vindictive women fighting over a guy. I love reality shows. Ever since Big Brother 3 went off the air, I’ve had a gaping hole in my heart that has yet to heal (Danielle is a bitch infinity).
The Amazing Race 3
Normally good but this year the contestants are boring.
Presidio Med
Hate medical dramas. Hate chick shows. Combine the two and this is what you get.
MDs
Like I said, medical dramas + me = hate
Law & Order
Haven’t watched it in years. Probably due to me overdosing on it on A&E a while back. Its still a good how though.
The Twilight Zone
Havent watched it. its in the 9 o’clock hour.
My Wife and Kids and George Lopez
First rule of TV. If it’s a sitcom and its on ABC, it sucks.
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
Ed’s TV roundup. Tuesday’s
Tuesdays is about one thing:
Buffy Buffy and more Buffy.
Hands down the best show on TV right now, and one of the best shows ever on TV period. Never Have I seen a show combine such diverse elements from dramas, horror shows, Soap operas, Comedies, pop culture, even Musicals for gods sake, and combine it into such an amazing whole.
The cast is top notch. From Sarah Michelle Gellars Buffy (who can be equally funny and heartbreakingly sad within minutes) to her Mentor Giles (Anthony Stewart Head, with a pitch perfect mentor/father figure persona, who is sadly only on 10 episodes this season) To Vampire Spike (when not being out and out funny, comes across as a tortured Vampire whose soul has just been restored to him and the resulting guilt and grief has driven him mad) To “sidekick” Willow (who after going insane with grief last year when her Lover Tara was killed ended up torturing and killing the man responsible, is now a sad grief stricken character).
The characters strengths are their growth. Watch an episode from season 1 and one from today and they are barely recognizable.
The amazing part of the show is how it creates its own mythology. The show consists of long spanning story arcs that play out over an entire season. Sometimes longer. (The hints of Willows lesbianism were hinted at in season 3, her coming out at season 6.) The show uses its horror roots as a metaphor for the alienation of teenage angst. But that’s just the beginning, It deals effectively with moral ambiguities, ethical dilemmas, good vs. evil, etc.., all the while being a damn entertaining show. I defy you to watch the episode “The Body” and not be moved.
For a much better take on the show I urge you to read this.
Smallville
Part 2 of Tuesday’s one two punch. Smallville is no Buffy but its still a pretty good show. The concept is simple. What was Superman like before he was Superman? The shw chronicles the formative years of Clark Kent growing up in Smallville, dealing with his emerging powers, and the fallout that it has on his life, especially since he must keep it hidden from the people he cares about (think Dawsons Creek meets Superman). Not content to keep things simple, the show tinkers with eh Superman myth in some interesting ways. Lex Luthor is now Clark’s high school friend, having been banned there as punishment by his Billionare Father.
Adding to the twists is Kryptonite. Instead if a lonely ship landing in smallvile, it was an entire meteor shower of Kryptonite (that killed the parents of would be girlfriend Lana Lang). This was the cause of many of the first seasons problems. Every week there would be a new high school kryptonite mutated bad guy that Clark must face yet still keep anyone from seeing him use his powers. It got stale. Luckily so far this year the show has gotten better. With the ship Clark was delivered in holding the key to who he is (the word Kryptonite has never been uttered on the show once) still keeping quiet (the key is missing, its a long story) the show is now centering on Clarks love for Lana being threatened by his need for secrecy.
It’s a fun show that keeps getting better. And the woman who plays Lana Lang, Hubba hubba. Worth the price of admission.
Just Shoot Me
This used to be a very funny show, the only reason being David Spade. It has jumped the Shark in the last few years and I haven’t watched much of it.
Jag
I’ve caught a few reruns on USA from time to Time. Its OK. Its got a distinct “Magnum P.I.” feel to it. Its Matlock goes to the Navy basically. A little overly jingoistic, but not all bad. If anyone can tell me how long this shows been on the air, you’ll win a prize.
The Guardian
Never saw it. Another Touchy feely law drama.
Judging Amy
See above (although I have seen a few episodes due to the novelty of it being set in Hartford)
Frasier
A show in its 10th season that jumped the shark at around season 4. They should put it out of its misery. Kelsey Grammer is too huge a talent to be wasted on Television.
According to Jim
Imagine the crappiest Jim Belushi movie (K-9 2 perhaps). Now imagine seeing it every week!
In-Laws, Hidden Hills, Less Than Perfect
I had no idea these shows existed until I checked the schedule.
Life With Bonnie
Always thought she was funny, but the show was too Cosby cute for me.
8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter
Hot daughter in a thong therefore I stop while clicking by, otherwise, don’t waste your time.
Haunted
A weak attempt to try and grab the Buffy demographic. CSI meets Sixth Sense. Junk.
Gilmore Girls
This is a good chick show. Its one of the few mother daughter shows where the mother and daughter actually get along, as well as both being hot. It’s a cut above the usual stuff, but its on during Buffy, so good luck.
Monday, October 21, 2002
Ed's TV round up. Monday's
Everwood.
The only show on Mondays I try and watch regularly. It's definitely a family drama in the "Seventh Heaven" vein, but its actually pretty good. The writing is a cut above the typical "family relationships in crisis" stuff that's all over the WB. The story is simple, kinda. A rich Manhattan Neurosurgeon Andrew Browns wife dies in a car accident and he reevaluates his life. Remembering a conversation he had with his wife about what hey should do if she dies, he moves them all to Everwood Colorado, because she stopped there once as a child and found it to be as close to Heaven as she had ever seen.
The show revolves around The doctor starting a free medical clinic in town, thus competing with the local doctor (a one dimensionally written jerk) named Harold Abbott (who also happens to be the father of local hottie Amy who Ephram Brown (the son) has a thing for. I know, its all complicated). It also focuses on him trying to reconnect with his family, Ephram and daughter Delia. It has every element to make it a corny pile of crap, but for some reason, It just works.
7th Heaven
I've never really watched the show, but now tat I am watching Everwood, I end up seeing this since its on right before. I've always pegged it as saccharine family junk, but my friend Woody says it is a subversively entertaining show. And I have to admit the handful of episodes I've watched confirm it. There is just something not right about it. It might be the fact that the relatively non hot daughter, whose name escapes me, spends her entire time juggling supermodel boyfriends. Now don't get me wrong the girl is kinda cute, but she's just not THAT cute. Also, the younger daughter speaks like a smart aleck twentysomething writer, not an acual kid.
CSI Miami.
The problem I have with this show is the same problem I have with the other CSI show. Strong on science, weak on law. For a show that goes to extremes to be scientifically accurate, they have this infuriating habit of having no idea how criminal law works. No suspect EVER asks for a lawyer, and there are numerous instances where the CSI's just break the law with no consequence. Perfect example. An episode of the other show involved dandruff as a key piece of evidence. Marg Helgenberger's characters runs into a suspect in the hall, and after seeing the dandruff, proceeds to take a sample, without once asking permission. This sample naturally is the key evidence they need to prove their case. That drove me nuts. They constantly ask suspects, who know they are guilty, if they can inspect their house (they ask this permission usually as they are halfway through the door) and then proceed to find the evidence they need immediately. If I am a killer and the cops come sniffing, then NO you can't search my closets, and NO you cant see whats inside my trunk. It just doesn't follow any kind of logical sense, and with a show that is entirely based in logic, a crime show, it is a fatal flaw.
It is a hugely overrated show.
I will give CSI: Miami props for one thing. Hiring Emily Procter, a smoking hot Southern Blonde who was being wasted on West Wing.
Boston Public:
I am on a strict no David E. Kelly Diet. His cutesy high concept plotlines are tired and worn out.
Girl's Club :
See above.
Third Watch :
Crap.. A poor mans ER, and even ER s*ucks these days.
The King of Queens and Yes, Dear (Or simply King of Queens 2.0) :
Essentially the same show and the same level of crappiness.
Everybody Loves Raymond :
I had the misfortune to be stuck on a flight from London to Boston and the only thing on was this. Man it sucks. His Kermit the frog voice and "befuddled" persona drives me up the wall. And since that is essentially the entire show, the show s horrible. I'm sure some late thirties couples out there with a few kids thinks its just the cats meow, but those are most likely thirty something couples with kids who have absolutely no sense of humor.
Crossing Jordan:
I've never sat through an episode. It's basically Quincy in hotpants. I've seen Quincy. I'd like to think I know Quincy. You young lady, are no Quincy (and you're not even that hot).
Plus its got Jose Ferrers son. That just can't be good in any situation.
The entire Monday UPN lineup:
I'm white Irish Catholic.
Drew Carey:
Jumped the shark a long, long time ago. After their gimmicky "improv" episode, drew gets stranded in China episode, The spot the mistake April fools episode, etc...., I gave up. Besides, he's a Republican.
