Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Woody
Last night FOX plumbed new, horrifying depths... but first:
Meet My Folks: the finale was Saturday night. The best girl won (I wonder
if she actually wears flowers in her hair regularly, or if NBC made her).
The fattie got the first boot, and boy was she bitter. The 2 white girls
were both s1uts of the highest form, what is wrong with these people?! And
what's up with the dude anyway? He said 8 words over the course of several
days and 3 hours of TV. He offers nothing. No way would Chelsea ever date
that loser in real life. Oh well, she got a phat trip to Europe out of it.
That mom and that 2nd place s1ut had equally long teeth. Nasty.
Let it be said that instead of the insipid Antiques Road Show, which will be
shown to be a bunch of hooey soon enough, I watched UConn beat St. John's.
Despite my apparent love of these horrible shows, sports will always
supercede them.
Bridezilla: So stupid. All this show did was reinforce middle america's
views of NYC and the "liberal Jewish elite." Thanks for playing up
stereotypes, girls! That one chick (the 20 minutes cocktail hour girl) had
her reception at the W hotel. That place is so expensive I couldn't even
imagine. "The worst part of wedding planning is dealing with your fiance's
ignorance." Shut up, you loser. Boy, that guy is in for a happy marriage,
huh? And that princess girl with her $15,000 necklace that she just had to
have. You shut up too. Thank god I'm having a normal little wedding with
115 guests and a fiancee who is nothing like those chicks. Seriously, man.
That show was painful to watch... I noticed the same announcer voice guy
does all the One Time Fox specials now. Like, thats his job, announcing
retarded Fox shows. I'll bet his card says, "retarded Fox show announcer."
Joe $$, I hate this show so much it makes me spit blood. I hate everything
about it... I hate that the guy is a dumb as a stump and as smooth as the
Tall Girl's skin on HighSchool Reunion. (Since Hoang and I are the only ppl
to watch that show, trust me, that joke was funny). Everything he says
appears to be from a cue card. I hate his clothes, the way he walks, his
stupid greezy hair, his feigned tortured ethics. Loser. I hated MoJo, and
the way the stupid butler says, "MohJoh." I hate her teeth, her hair, her
wardrobe. I hate how she says she's 24. 24!! Is she insane? I hate that
her mental illness was displayed for the world to see, her check written to
herself for a million bucks, her ridiculous poem (It made the Bachelorette's
Ryan seem downright Whitman-esque), her puzzle of herself?
Seek...help...now... I hate Melissa and her hair and her big gums and her
attitude. I hate that one of her comments seemed scripted as well: "Sure he
drinks beer and goes to Hooters, but I'll fix him." I hate the way she
smokes on tv. I hate the way the butler says, "Mayleesah." I hate that she
didn't know what garlic looked like and we're supposed to find that quaint.
I hate that her tomato chopping method was more Freddy Krueger than Martha
Stewart. I hate how she always has her fingers in her hair. I hate the
other one, although the hummer she apparently gave Evan allowed us to be
part of the lowest Fox has ever gone. Who knows what really happened, but
it was funny. The subtitles were brilliant, clearly the work of someone
funny. "Mwah." "slurp." "Gulp." I hate her big ol fake cans. I hate Zora
for not speaking up and stating that she hates Evan and she hates the show.
I hate that she kept her tank top on while in the hottub, clearly hiding
some "rating boosters." I hate that the other 3 crashed their date. I hate
that I'll watch this crap again next week.
RR/RW challenge: Nothing of note, except idiot Puck and his, "I"m gonna
torment Ellen for no reason," stupidity. Oh, that and MTV came up with yet
another challenge involving bikinis and swimsuits. Kudos (although I think
the guys are probably better looking than the women, in general.) I liked
how g@y Dan was lounging with the women. Cuz thats what g@y guys do!
Did you know that ABC Family has a bunch of weird, failed network reality
shows? Saw 20 mins of one last night called, "last resort" with 3 married
couples on teh rocks trying to get things right. It, of course, really
$ucked.
tonight, W gives a state of the union address, which will, unfortunately, be
harder to watch than Big Brother 1, unintentionally funnier than Joe
Millionaire, and sadder than Bridezilla.
RobIt was Reality TV overload yesterday. Some comments:
I feel a certain pride that I did not watch Bridezillas on Fox at 8. Instead I went with my old standby, the Antiques Roadshow. They were in Seattle after three straight episodes in Albuquerque. Rather uneventful, but I would say the highlight was the autographed baseball from the 1951 Yankees with the added Marilyn Monroe autograph (she was married to Joe DiMaggio at the time). Value, $20,000 (possibly higher at auction). Next week, they're back with hour 2 from Seattle.
At 9 I did watch Joe Millionaire. His first date was with Sarah who got loaded on wine. They ditched the camera crew and though it was never actually revealed what happened, you had a pretty decent idea. My odds of her winning 2 1/2 - 1. Next was Melissa who he had help him cook a meal. Well, my girl Melissa was more clueless in a kitchen than I am. She and Evan have never really had any physical contact, but that might be why she's kept around. Odds 5 - 1, though she's my dark horse candidate. Next up was Zora. They went horseback riding. She's another sort of enigma to Evan, but so is the morning Doonesbury cartoon. I say she is 3 - 1. Last and certainly least was Melissa Jo (Mojo). Their date consisted of Mojo giving her a puzzle which when completed was a picture of her. Just plain weird. He finally gave her the boot, thankfully. I will be glad not to see her and her ugly hats again. Back to Arkansas for her. Next week, they jet to the French Riviera.
Real World Road Rules Challenge. We got to see Puck's child who is somehow, someway, actually pretty cute. He and the Chinese girl Ellen are battling. The mission this week was to hold your breath under water. One of the non-descript Road Rulers did nearly three minutes. The best part of this show is seeing Johnny Mosley (the host) and knowing he wants to fire his agent.
Daily Show. I came to the conclusion that Stephen Colbert can read names from a phone book and I would laugh. No great moments, but day in and day out the best show on TV.
No, I'm not done. Nightline was boring. Heather Graham was on the Jay Leno show. She is pretty hot. I stumbled on the new Jimmy Kimmel talk show and I must say it wasn't bad. He had on Snoop (who is definitely back on the chronic), The Rock who can be pretty funny, Al Michaels, and some new rap guy called 50 cents or half dollar or something. Has potential. Finally my insomniac self went to bed at 1:00.
Monday, January 27, 2003
Woody
Bachelorette: last weeks on tape, so she picked Charlie (My original pick
the first night, thank you very much), Ryan (Hoang's original pick, despite
his cro magnon-esque browline), and Russ the psycho. I don't remember much
about the show, except to say that ABC must have made her keep Russ the
psycho for ratings reasons. No way does she want anything to do with him
and his creepy, serial killer ways. And that Ryan dude with his stupid
poems makes me sick.
Super Bowl Commercials: I didn't see very many, but they didnt strike me in
any way.
"Wisconsin Death Trip" Cool premise for a movie (true eerie story from the
1890's about an area in WI where everyone went crazy and either killed
themselves or each other.) I'd be interested in the book, but the movie was
lame. Not enough historical photos or interviews, just repetitive stuff
with no resolution. Very disappointed. In fact, some random mussied haired
arty guy (with requisite book in hand) approached us at the end with the
look of a little boy lost and said, "That movie did nothing for me," and
went on his way. But, as it is for all these strange little movies we see,
we saw it for free, so it was ok.
Reason to bang your head against the wall:
Top 5 movies this weekend:
Darkness Falls
Kangaroo Jack
Chicago
Just Married
National Security
